in the oscar winning film, forrest gump, the man denied his destiny of dying on the battlefield confronts a great storm. angry at the world. after losing his legs on the battlefield, he then took to lose his soul in a bottle of alcohol. captain dan climbs to the top of the mast and goes face to face with the storm. he confronts god and nature. with that “bring it on” moment, he found his peace.
approximately a decade ago, the high holiday season came upon me at a dark time in my life. the closest services to where i lived was at a drug treatment facility. while not having any substance abuse issues, i found the message of recovery that was interlaced with the services inspirational. prayers were discussed prayers in relation to addiction and the journey toward sobriety.
during the services, i had my captain dan moment. rather than seeking forgiveness that year, i chose to pass. i thought “what did i have to lose bring to the next year my moral failings?” thus, while others sought to be written in the master’s books, including that one of life, i passed and was unwilling to unburden myself. if things are going to be this way, then “bring it on.”
shortly after the holidays, i started living my life on the edge. any day, any moment, i thought “who knows what could happen?” without the meaningful assurance requested from “our father, our king” aka aveinu malkeinu, this was the year of greater uncertainty. sometimes people simply want to feel something. feeling pain, for some, if sufficient.
the year passed and i was still on my feet. i weathered my moral storm. i accepted the opportunity to seek forgiveness.
in sum one’s self worth can be a powerful force for either action or inaction. self worth can operate to close one off from things necessary. diminished self worth can lead someone to places not meant to be ventured. perhaps, “bring it on” should have been the call to seek forgiveness rather than embrace a morality play.
to all, a healthy, happy and prosperous new year!
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