“if a man has a wayward and rebellious son, who does not obey his father or his mother, and they chasten him, and [he still] does not listen to them, his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, and to the gate of his place. and they shall say to the elders of his city, “this son of ours is wayward and rebellious; he does not obey us; [he is] a glutton and a guzzler.” and all the men of his city shall pelt him to death with stones, and he shall die. so shall you clear out the evil from among you, and all israel will listen and fear.”
deuteronomy 21: 18-21
the non-religious should appreciate the torah for historically records that certain moral problems have existed for thousands of years. humanity has known for a long time about the “problem child.”
despite the many years passing, government and educational experts, have apparently not come close to solving the problem. a florida mother reportedly was stabbed in the face and beaten with a frying pan by her son. the only reason why the beating to the head stopped apparently was that the pan broke. during questioning as to why he did it, it is reported that he “was upset because his mother was constantly on his case about cleaning his room.” wesh.com
in the united states, and in other parts of the world, world war ii created a great societal shift. women’s participation in industry sparked the notion as to the value of women as workers as opposed to being a parent. thus, governments, to increase production and revenues, have brought increasingly more women into the workplace. in doing so, the government never appreciated the void filled with respect to raising children. the cost of this void fell upon children who are now deprived of proper parenting. the propaganda concerning this move is be indicated by the term “quality time.” society sent the message to parents that there was no need to really spend time supervising their child. rather, just a few “touching” moments would be good enough.
this shift has created parents who are not capable at parenting. many parents don’t know how to do it. we know have generations of “incompetent” parents. as a religious school teacher, i saw it. some parents are lost when it comes to parenting. despite being nice and well intentioned, they were missing, my apologies to the movie “top gun” the “edge.” i was concerned that some never had it.
the educational system also has failed with respect to this void. in public school health classes, i learned all about the sexual reproductive organs and the act of sex. i, however, was not taught about the product of the sexual act-the child. my public school experience failed to include any instruction on child rearing. how could something like that be valuable to a human being!
i was blessed with parenting skills. before having children, i had years of interacting with children of all age. summer camp counselor, religious school teacher, and a college class on human development were all helpful. the college class involved taking care of new born children to two year olds. diaper changing was part of the class. the trauma of a dirty diaper!
beyond that experience, observing my bosses and their dysfunctional families gave me additional guidance as to the “does and don’ts.”
as soon as my first child was born, i knew that ducking frying pans and engaging in self defense tactics would not be in the equation. rather, employing good parenting skills and having a long term strategy was the key.
thus, the florida story makes me wonder as to whether the mother had a firm grasp of parenting. was she in deficit? repeatedly asking a child to do something may not have been a good tactic. could something have been different in the situation, or, was this a child, even prior to his last horrific bad act, one recognized by the torah as problematic?
this florida episode of toxic entitlement” gives us pause to appreciate the equation of bad government, bad education, bad parenting will lead to the creation of “toxic” children.
in sum, educators must devote time to educating children how to be parents. to do so, teachers, however, should not be the presenters. rather, outstanding parents should serve as the instructors.
be well!!
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