The Most Important Parental Advice? Rosh Hashonah’s First Day Reading

Is there one piece of parental advice that reigns over all others?

The answer is emphatically “yes”.

This masterful advice emanates from the Book of Genesis. The specific passage is part of the Torah portion read on the first day of the Jewish New Year. In it, the Jewish People’s first Matriarch, Sarah, initiates a major family move. She recommends an extreme measure be taken to protect her son Isaac.

Before going further, I must confess. I did not fully appreciate this passage until a wise person explained it to me in the most simplest of terms. It is aptly means “Beware of your children’s friends, they can undue everything you have taught your children over the years within a matter of weeks.”

Sarah’s Story

The Torah Portion has Abraham and Sarah addresses life after the birth of their miracle baby Isaac. This divinely promised child was conceived despite both Abraham and Sarah being of advanced age.

The portion reports that, after Isaac was weaned, Abraham made a great feast to celebrate.

At this celebration- or sometimes aafte- the Torah reports:

“And Sarah saw the son of Hagar, the Egyptian, whom she borne to Abraham, fooling around.” Genesis 21:9

The Passage’s Meaning

This short passage’s interpretation is problematic in many ways. The Hebrew itself is complex and is best left to scholars. Thus, any translation is fraught with uncertainty.

Friedman’s Commentary on the Torah notes that the Greek text has “fooling around with her son Isaac.” He noted that this could have been either playing or mocking. Commentary on the Torah, at P. 71. In Rashi’s commentary, various theories are offered up as to what “fooling around” meant. The suggestions range from idolatry, illicit sexual relations, mockery to murder.

Despite there divergent views as to the exact language and meaning, it is fair to generalize that the passage stands for the following proposition: Ishmael, Hagar’s son, was up to “no good” and that Isaac was the target of this malfeasance.

Sarah’s Actions

Sarah proactively dealt with what she saw as a problem. Essentially, it was the another child’s actions was to have an influence upon hers. As a result, she demanded that her husband Abraham send Ishmael away. Sarah acted upon her instincts rather than allowing for the opportunity for problems to foment. Perhaps, she was determined not to be a failed parent; the failed parent to utters the all too familiar, “I should have done something at the time.”

Sarah’s decision was embraced in the Torah. It was arguably approved by the highest of authorities. This occurred when Abraham went to God for a second opinion on Sarah’s request. He was told by the Lord to listen to his wife. Genesis 21:12

Why Is This Advice The Most Important?

From the wise words I was given, it is obvious. Children’s friends are powerful influencers. Children have an irresistible desire to fit in with their peers. This craving to be accepted by others, however, becomes like kryptonite to them with respect to their morals and values. Acceptance’s value frequently trumps any and all other values.

Thus, if your child engages with questionable friends. There is a likelihood that they will become engaged in immoral activities to fit in. Thus, shoplifting, recreational drug use or under aged drinking can become family matters.

What Can Be Done?

One solution to this dilemma is to take the opposite approach. In other words, work on your children finding positive associations with children of good character. Find your children other peers who will be positive influences. Often, music programs are a great place.

Conclusion

The New Year’s offering is a cautionary parenting tale. In a time of introspection concerning the betterment of one’s soul, one is reminded of the power of influence.

While we are about to embark on a new year of Torah teachings, parents are given a wake-up call whether the morals and values they pass to the children will be cemented into their progeny’s constitution. These morals and values can evaporate due to improper associations.

In sum, these dangerous childhood friends are akin to the neuralyzers used in the Men In Black movies. The device is capable of rapidly erasing memories and replacing them with others. While this device is mere fiction, a child’s desire for peer acceptance can turn it into a dire reality.

Be well!!!

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